DF

Wendy Churukian: Portrait of a Life, by DF

Who is Wendy Churukian? As she approaches a momentous b-day, it’s a question we all may strive to answer, though no one response can suffice. Wendy has played many roles in all of our lives, and with consummate skill: wife, mother, grandmother, sister, conqueror of Sudokus, undisputed queen among SC fans, voracious consumer of Tea’s Tea, and maker of some of the finest foodstuffs either side of the Mississippi River. So to commemorate the sixtieth anniversary of Wendy’s birth, I offer the following scattered data points to give some sense of the legendary and beloved figure that is my sister.

Wendy Churukian, enthusiastic holiday decorator. Nowhere in the world is Christmas more Christmas-y (or Easter more Easter-y, or Halloween more … um … Halloweenie) than in the living room of the famed Pasadena Churukian homestead, thanks largely to Wendy’s decorating prowess. From early November to sometime well into the new year, Wendy will not suffer a single square centimeter of wall or floor space to remain unadorned by sundry Santas and other manifestations of nativity cheer. In a way, it is never not yuletide at the Churuks hacienda, as it is possible to find various mementoes wishing Merry Christmas lurking around the house even in mid-August.

Wendy Churukian, trivia champ. Beware of contending with Wendy in a battle of trivia skillz, for she has encyclopedic knowledge that will put all and sundry to shame. Just how good is Wendy at trivia? So good that she once bested a certain brother (who is himself no trivia slouch) in Final Jeopardy, with two immortal words that will be remembered for generations (at least by me): “Black Beauty.” And just for the record, Wendy, you won that one fair and square.

Wendy Churukian, chef de cuisine. Wendy has mastered the art of French cooking, and many other forms of culinary deliciousness, and DF’s ever-expanding stomach has been the fortunate beneficiary of her fine efforts. I’d go so far to wager that Wendy’s boeuf bourguignon would compete favorably against even Julia Child’s in a head-to-head competition. Related, and also impressive, is Wendy’s impression of Julia Child herself (or, perhaps more accurately, of Meryl Streep portraying Julia Child). If you have not heard Wendy do aforementioned impression, I strongly suggest requesting a performance. It is a falsetto riot.

Wendy Churukian, queen of quilters. Wendy has an innate homing device. Place her in any major or mid-sized metropolitan area, and she will instinctively navigate to the nearest sewing store, and in short order will charm her way into the hearts of the local needlepoint aficionados. Indeed, the fact pattern in the first law school exam I ever wrote was inspired by a quilting yarn that Wendy told me some years ago. Wendy has even blended her love for the needle arts with her affection for sports, becoming one of the first attendees at the L.A. Dodgers’ infamous “Stitch and Pitch” night. How, you may wonder, did Wendy continue to do high-level handwork even when night had fallen at Dodger Stadium? Two words: miner’s helmet. I swear it’s true; there are pictures to prove it.

Wendy Churukian, sister of a “big” celebrity. Okay, let’s set the record straight. There’s a persistent rumor afoot that Wendy’s brother is some famous Hollywood actor—perhaps an out-of-shape Vince Vaughn, or a late-career Marlon Brando, or that guy who was the body double for Jabba the Hutt. Ahem. Let me take this opportunity to note that these rumors are fraudulent, though perhaps understandable, given the apparent similarities that Wendy likes to emphasize between these celebs and one of her siblings (who shall remain nameless).

Wendy Churukian, legendary USC football fan. To simply say, “Wendy Churukian is a USC fan” misses the point. It’s sort of like saying, “Warren Buffett has some money,” or “Kim Kardashian has a butt.” All of these statements are undeniably valid, but they don’t fully reflect the magnitude of the truth. On game days, Wendy literally wears her devotion to SC on her sleeve—and her earrings, and her iPhone, and any other piece of clothing or accessory that comes in cardinal and gold. Indeed, Wendy’s enthusiasm for SC football is the benchmark to which any serious sports fan would do well to aspire. I myself have been known to invoke the Wendy standard in the course of conversazione, when struggling to express how much I really, really dislike something, e.g., “I feel about [something odious] the way my sister feels about UCLA.” Nuff said.

Wendy Churukian, consummate hostess. It was almost a year ago that a truly foolish accident left me with a spectacular dual fracture of the left leg. And so I found myself, thanks entirely to blessed familial generosity, prostrate on the fold-out couch in the Churukian living room for the better part of late 2009. Much of what made lying around for all those months in a cast bearable (and, surprisingly, even kinda fun sometimes), was being able to spend it with Wendy, who proved equally patient whether bringing me yogurt, accompanying me on crutch-walks around the block, or pretending that my Vicodin-induced ramblings actually did make sense.

A wise man once said, “A sister is a woman with whom you share a mother and/or father.” This is true, and yet it is incomplete, so I will conclude simply by saying that my sister is a very cool lady with a heart of gold, and I consider myself most fortunate to have her in my life (yes, even when she compares me to various portly celebrities). So, happy sixtieth, Wendy, and I wish you many more b-days to enjoy life and familia and SC football and quilting and all else. Much love from your brother,

!DF!